Ruminations

.:Today's LSS:.

A song that was so right at one point in my life...

I Love You, Goodbye
by Nina

Wish I could be the one
The one who could give you love
The kind of love you really need
Wish I could say to you
That I'll always stay with you
But baby that's not me
You need someone willing to give their heart and soul to you
Promise you forever, baby that's something I can't do
Oh I could say that I'll be all you need
But that would be a lie
I know I'd only hurt you
I know I'd only make you cry
I'm not the one you're needing
I love you, goodbye

I hope someday you can
Find some way to understand I'm only doing this for you
I don't really wanna go
But deep in my heart I know this is the kindest thing to do
You'll find someone who'll be the one that I could never be
Who'll give you something better
Than the love you'll find with me
Oh I could say that I'll be all you need
But that would be a crime
I know I'd only hurt you
I know I'd only make you cry
I'm not the one you're needing
I love you, goodbye

Leaving someone when you love someone
Is the hardest thing to do
When you love someone as much as I love you

Oh I don't wanna leave you
Baby it tears me up inside
But I'll never be the one you're needing
I love you, goodbye

Baby, its never ganna work out
I love you, goodbye

.:Getting Back In The Groove:.

It's pretty interesting how amazing the rapport between Gia and I has been going. We're really on a roll with the chemisty.

It was funny how I kept on playing devil's advocate to yesterday's topic, really. We started talking about love on air, and we were asking the listeners what they thought were signs their S.O., current or ex, still loved them.

Someone responded that it's when someone keeps thinking about you all the time and knows your every move.

I respond it could be a stalker.

Someone suggested it's when that person still refuses to move on after everything.

I retort that it could just be someone who's bitter.

So many things we could say on air with no KBP to fetter us, really... it's quite amusing how we go there, and how I manage to poke in ever-so-subtly some double entendres, like when Gia said there are "three ways" to contact us.

And we have a webcam in the booth already. Give it time, and we can be camwhoring, too. Heh.

All in all, I think talking about love and relationships at two in the morning tends to get people in the mood to talk. A lot. It was really cool how that worked out, to be honest.

.:Career Realignment:.

Should I be worried that Mr. Bulaong himself told me that "a life of Philosophy does not require you to finish a course in it"?

You see, I've been reading a few of Sacha's posts about teaching lately, and it just really made me stop and think for a while.

I love teaching. Only two other careers to this day hold enough appeal to me for me to want to grow old doing those professions, and that would be being a radio personality (Which I'm currently doing.), and being a professional wrestler (Fat chance.). Sacha knows how much I love to teach. Hades, anyone who's seen me go at it knows how much I love to teach. I've been drawn into Philosophy from day one with it, and there's just an amazing feeling you get when you have a student walk in and think how irrelevant Philosophy is to life only to walk out and think otherwise.

As a Communications graduate, I never allowed Philosophy to be nothing more than a pedantic exercise of my intellect. I didn't let up on any Philosophical idea until I found out what it meant to me in my life. I was a pragmatist to a fault, and I still am.

My method of teaching has always been oriented in film, simply because it's the most vivid and self-explanatory means of explaining an idea. Getting lost in hundreds of pages of Plato is fine, but not everyone is inclined to do that without the guarantee that this will have relevance to them. In contrast, not too many people would say no to watching a movie for a couple of hours and would certainly find it interesting how a movie like, say, Equilibrium, keeps getting better each time you watch it, from appreciating the action to the undertones regarding the human condition.

As a humanist to others and a spiritualist to the self, I can only say that Philosophy has shaped me in a way I never thought possible: a reorientation of notions, conceptions, and even a re-examination of things I initially took for granted, whether it be the conception of the real, or the value of freedom. For all this and so much more, I longed to teach Philosophy, to impart upon people precisely what it was that hooked me into it, and to show them that Philosophy is not just about sounding profound and making simple things more complicated than they have to be.

After last schoolyear when my contract expired, I was devastated when it didn't get renewed. There were rumors of various reasons for that, but the bottomline was that I didn't get to do what I loved doing this schoolyear. I wasn't going to teach, or so much as be a teaching assistant.

Still, I took it in stride. I told myself that it was a mere speed bump, and the moment I finished my M.A., I wouldn't have any problems anymore.

But then, things have changed quite radically as of late.

Working in GMA has gotten me back in touch with the side of me that has and will always be immersed in Communications. In combination with WAVE, I have to say that despite the stress, dammit, I love my work. Both of them.

What unsettles me is that the more I find myself enjoying my work in GMA, the less likely I will see myself back in Ateneo by next schoolyear. Not only will I not return as a teaching assitant, but even my Masters would have to be on hold, simply because I know I can't handle two jobs and an M.A. just like that. It's just insanity if I expected myself to.

And now, I hit a crossroads... will I ever find myself teaching again? And if I do, will it be Philosophy?Mr. Bulaong gave me the consolation that I don't need to be M.A. Philosophy to be Philosophical, but really now, while I love working for GMA-7, I just have a very soft spot in my heart for teaching Philosophy, if only for the fact that I know I can truly affect people positively in a more direct way than I could expect to by writing scripts for reality TV.

Mr. Bulaong told me to look at myself carefully, because the universe is molding me into something with an amazing potential.

The question is for what that potential is meant to be, because it seems like this time, I can't expect to have my cake and eat it, too.

Decisions, decisions...